silver and gold

"Make new friends, but keep the old / those are silver, these are gold" - poet Joseph Parry (adopted by the Girl Guides, which is definitely where it got permanently stuck in my head.)

My friendships have always been the treasures of my life; my dad likes to joke that my first words were not mama or dada, but 'can I have a friend over?'. In another telling childhood tale, I was terrified and crying when my parents took me to my first day of kindergarten, clutching to their pant legs in desperation. Within minutes, I had made my first friend. I swiftly turned to my mother- my demeanor entirely changed- to tell her "mom, you can go now". As many of us know from some of our toughest times in life, one good friend can truly make all the difference. Knowing that we are not alone gives us courage. I really believe that friendship is a kind of magic that allows us to tap into something stronger than ourselves.

Some of my Seoul friends on a sunny day in Olympic Park. 

I've been blessed to have many powerful friendships in my life so far, people who have held big dreams for my future and also accepted me just as I was. While I treasure my male friendships too, I have largely been nourished and nurtured by tight-knit groups of amazing girls and women. In early childhood there was Taylor, who was my co-conspirator in the creation of our own fantasy world (Tobyland, where her older sister sometimes reigned as an evil queen- sorry Morgan). Down the street lived Elizabeth, who voraciously devoured Archie comics alongside me, and who I called Betty (an apt moniker her mother deeply disapproved of). In elementary school there was LERF- Leah, Emily, Rebecca, Franni- and I still remember the internal chaos caused when my little brother found our secret newsletters (which detailed who likes who and other highly confidential information).

In middle school I had another group of everpresent girl friends, all whip smart. We would stay up all night watching MA-rated television, and take the streetcar in our pajamas the next morning to get three-for-a-dollar samosas. In high school there were new friends who welcomed budding new parts of me, one of whom became more like family (Caitlin, who held my hair and my hand through some messy experiences). Six years out of university I still have a very close, large group of friends from that time, which is incredible considering that we were randomly placed in a dorm together, and also were rarely sober. In another volunteer social experiment (engineered by yours truly), I spent my second year at McGill in a house of seven girls. While that was clearly a choice only 19-year-old me would make, some of those girls are still my best friends and role models, women I am so proud to know. Since then I've met even more inspiring people who have introduced me to new parts of myself with grace, humour, compassion and true love. 

Enjoying exploring around Seoul...

Natural beauty in Thailand...

And snowboarding in Yongpyong.

For the past year and a half I've been living in a foreign country. I've sometimes struggled adapting to a new culture and new job, faced challenges to my mental health, and encountered obstacles to my relationships with my loved ones and with myself. There's a global pandemic that seems to be changing everything, and a powerful social movement demanding necessary change. I'm staying still (remaining here in Korea), but so much is shifting, within and without me. You better believe I've needed some grounding, magical, beautiful friendships to grow even through these strange times.

Fortunately, I've had them. I came by my main group in Seoul somewhat serendipitously, when my friend Juan from NYC connected me with his friend, Q. Q was moving to Korea at the same time I was, and Juan intuited that we would get along famously (spoiler alert, we totally do. She's the one with the spoon eyes in the pic below). While this link provided me with one solid friendship, I was very lucky to discover that Q was teaching alongside other foreign teachers, many of whom are also awesome women. We get together most weekends, visiting museums, eating bingsu (look it up- it's delicious) and chatting about what's going on in our lives (usually a combination of work stress, our families, dating in Korea, and the many questions of our wide open futures). I've also met some great friends in my area, usually through Facebook groups (I know Facebook is somewhat passe for my generation, but these groups are absolute lifesavers abroad, offering everything from skincare advice to new friends to Korean translations). 

Food, an important ingredient in friendship.

And laughter, duh.

And in Korea, epic bingsu (shaved ice dessert).

My friends here have helped me succeed at work, order necessary items online, visit new towns, try new local foods, and feel more confident in my own skin. Some have left and more will leave, as it goes here as expats, but they've all made a difference for me. They've been compassionate when I'm homesick or anxious, and cheerleaders for my personal goals. We've woken up early together to catch trains, stayed out all night in the clubs, and laughed through many memorable meals. We've seen new art, marvelled at natural beauty and longstanding temples, and (for better or for worse) twerked on multiple beaches. With the pandemic, I feel luckier than ever to be navigating our lives here together. 

We're all on our own paths, but the convergence is something beautiful.  

In coastal Gangneung.

Participating in the #BlackLivesMatterKorea virtual protest.

Thanks for reading! <3 And thanks to all my friends, old and new, for making my life sparkle. I love you.