how to not drink your way through the pandemic
Content warning: This post contains discussion of mental health (anxiety) and alcohol.
Take it from someone who accidentally made alcohol her number one coping mechanism: you do not want to drink your way through this pandemic. I promise there's no judgement from me if that's what you find yourself doing; I've 100% been there, and if I hadn't decided to change my relationship with alcohol, I'm sure I would still be there today. The key for me has been in realizing that although I drank to soothe my nerves, it was secretly feeding my anxiety all along. Let me explain.
We're seeing the proliferation of drinking culture all around us right now. You really can't miss it- the 'mommy juice' Facebook posts, the quarantini memes, the Zoom happy hours, the consensus that time is now irrelevant and thus it truly is 5 pm somewhere, everywhere. Many of us are at home all day, and the blur of routine combined with the existential stress of contagion can really make us feel like our minds are going. The constant state of breaking news is overwhelming, our kids are dislodged from their normal lives, and our homes have become places of captivity. The pandemic is extremely stressful, while also being incredibly boring, and it drives us to some dark places. It drives us to panic. It drives us to compulsive behaviours. And it drives us to drink.
I get it. I've had generalized anxiety since I was a preteen, and I know what anxiety does to your body and brain. Physically, there's a persistent discomfort that makes it impossible to feel fully content in any given moment. There can be pent-up energy or sudden fatigue, body and headaches, always feeling too hot or cold. Mentally, there's a discordant caucus in your brain, racing thoughts fighting each other for your attention. Did you forget something you were supposed to do? Should you be more worried about sanitizing your groceries? Should you be less worried about walking your dog? Are you meditating, reading, taking up new hobbies- are you succeeding at being productive even in a pandemic? Is everyone okay? Are you okay? You should be scared, worried, grateful, hopeful, optimistic, realistic... every new piece of information gets jumbled in your head with all the other thoughts rolling around in there. It's a lot to manage and a real struggle to find peace in the chaos, even if externally things seem fine.
When I found myself in this internal state as a young teenager, drinking was one way I could easily change how I felt. In a huge way, alcohol worked- it opened a small space in my anxiety for me to breathe. It turned the volume down on all the competing thoughts, allowing me to process them at a reasonable rate, one at a time. For years afterwards, even when I was brutally hungover, I felt that the ritual of harming my body had somehow cleared my mind, provided a blank slate and a fresh start the next day. When everything became too much, I had a temporary exit plan, a trap door, a disappearing act. I could drink, and come back later to whatever was stressing me out.
Sure, alcohol was other things too- it has a way of effortlessly worming itself into the core of your life. It was a part of celebration, cast parties and graduations, weddings and funerals, work meetings, vacations, relaxing with friends, catching up, winding down, all of it. It was often harmless, something enjoyable that I looked forward to, part and parcel of many wonderful memories and experiences. It accompanied bonding with new friends, and felt deeply intertwined with my love of adventure. I know that drinking probably means something to you, too, and I can't say what's trouble for anyone else. But for me, the good times of drinking couldn't fully be separated from my need to cope with my anxiety.
The thing about using substances as a coping mechanism is that it works until it doesn't. In the short term, it really seems to do the job. It's consistent, accessible, and always available. Unlike other drugs, alcohol has the added benefit of being a big part of our culture, so you can use it pretty freely and share it with others. The problem with drinking through the anxiety is that over time, it doesn't work so well anymore. The anxiety remains, and often steadily and sneakily grows. Your brain chemistry ensures that the effects of the alcohol actually include increased anxiety, plus the dreaded 'hangxiety' of worrying about what you said or did while drinking. Perhaps most pertinently, you never end up working through the anxiety in the first place, never get to the other side of the bad feelings. Every time you drink instead of working through it, you miss an opportunity to learn how to care for yourself.
I'm not telling you to change your drinking, or that having alcohol in your life is self-destructive to you; you're not me or my experience. But I urge you to be honest with yourself about your relationship to alcohol in this moment. Are you drinking more than you would like, or more than you would usually? Are you trying to use alcohol to cope with the anxiety of the pandemic? Are you finding that it's not really working? If so, it's okay- I really do get it, it's understandable, and I think this is a pretty shared response right now. It just might not get you the results that you're looking for. So if you want some suggestions on how to not drink your way through the pandemic, here are mine.
1. One day at a time. This recovery maxim is majorly applicable to our current global situation. We don't know what the future will look like, or even what will happen in the next year, month or week. We might not even know how we're going to handle everything tomorrow. When the future feels overwhelming, frightening and uncertain, take it one day at a time. Don't create more stress for yourself by worrying about what's next; for now, narrow your focus to what you can do today. Maybe that means just doing the dishes, or ten minutes of meditation, or relaxing with Netflix, or not drinking to cope- just for today. Tomorrow, you can focus on that new day. This simple shift in mindset can be a huge stress reliever when there's just too much going on, in your life and in your mind.
2. Try some yummy alternatives. Before I tried to change my relationship with alcohol, I never knew how many delicious non-alcoholic beverages exist in the world. I'm positive that I would have scoffed at such options, since, well... they didn't have alcohol in them. However, you may be surprised by how many elements of 'having a drink' can be achieved with an NA alternative. For many of us, this experience means taking precious time for yourself, or with someone you love, to slow down, enjoy something special, and let yourself relax. Alcohol brings this euphoric, calming effect at first, but it quickly follows up with anxiety-inducing feelings (brought on by the chemical response in your brain). Try a non-alcoholic cocktail, such as a virgin Moscow Mule (ginger beer, lime, and muddled mint topped with soda water). There are new distilled craft alternatives to liquour popping up all the time, such as Seedlip and Ceder's, and they taste great. If you're a beer drinker, the options for non-alcoholic beer are incredible, especially in North America (I'm a fan of Partake, Gruvi and Brewdog's NA brews). I will admit that the NA wine options are not as good as I'd like, but the market is truly growing every day. My personal favourite non-alcoholic drink is kombucha or sparkling tea in a champagne flute, because it makes me feel fancy with zero consequences.
3. Seek some new coping strategies. Drinking the stress away prevents you from flexing those coping skills and learning what really works for you. Feeling your way through tough emotions really is like building muscles- it takes time and consistency, but you see results all along the way. There's a reason they call it a yoga, pilates or meditation 'practice', and those are great options for a lot of people, strengthening the mind-body connection that makes it easier to care for your whole self. However, use whatever works! I know people who benefit from breath work, cooking, journalling, creating art, long walks, and loud music. Personally, right now I like reading (currently memoirs and sci fi), tidying my space, and biking around my neighbourhood. If you don't want to be always picking up a drink when you feel the urge, give yourself something else to do to cope. It's a hard switch to make, but I promise it gets easier, and it's rewarding. Over time you'll be amazed at how the tough feelings pass through you and allow you to move forward.
4. Join a community of support. Everyone I've ever known or heard of who changed their relationship to substances relied on their community to do it. The great news is that there are so many awesome, accessible communities available to you, whatever it is that you're looking for. Everyone knows about AA, which might be a great option for you if you want to stop drinking- this is literally the only requirement for membership, so set aside your preconceived notions about AA if that's what you want. It's free, everywhere, and time tested. However, not everyone finds AA to be a good fit, and there are many other options too. The 'mindful drinking' and 'sober curious' movements both advocate for a changed personal and societal relationship to drinking, with members on a spectrum from teetotaller to occasional drinker to those reevaluating the role of alcohol in their lives. The Alcohol Experiment and the Sober Girls Club both offer free support in challenges to take a 30-day break from drinking. On Facebook, private groups such as Soberclear and This Naked Mind Group offer non-judgemental support and discussion on the topic of alcohol. If you spend a lot of time on Instagram, start exploring some sobriety pages for inspiration (I recommend @thisnakedmind, @1000hoursdry, @oneyearnobeer, and @thetempest). Don't worry- you don't have to be sober, or even want to be sober, to start to surround yourself with some positive ideas and supportive people. It might just be about exploring your relationship with alcohol, mental and physical health in this super challenging time.
5. Be kind to yourself! This will probably always be part of my advice to you, because it will always be important. Being scared that you may be drinking too much can throw you into a shame spiral, beating yourself up mentally for being weak or undisciplined, which only contributes to the anxiety and desire to drink to rid yourself of it. If you're trying to make a positive change in your life around alcohol, stop the cycle of treating yourself badly and then trying to fix it by being 'better'. You do not need to be better. You are worthy of your best life just as you are, and you can take pride in your efforts to love yourself more. Whether you drink constantly, never, or somewhere in between, you're doing your best to get through this mess with the resources you have access to. Just know that if you have a bad feeling about drinking your way through the pandemic, there are other options available to you. I'm trying to learn new ways to care for myself that don't include hurting myself, and you can too.
Please feel free to share any suggestions or feedback below, and contact me on Instagram @onlyconstantly.
With all my love,
frances
Take it from someone who accidentally made alcohol her number one coping mechanism: you do not want to drink your way through this pandemic. I promise there's no judgement from me if that's what you find yourself doing; I've 100% been there, and if I hadn't decided to change my relationship with alcohol, I'm sure I would still be there today. The key for me has been in realizing that although I drank to soothe my nerves, it was secretly feeding my anxiety all along. Let me explain.
We're seeing the proliferation of drinking culture all around us right now. You really can't miss it- the 'mommy juice' Facebook posts, the quarantini memes, the Zoom happy hours, the consensus that time is now irrelevant and thus it truly is 5 pm somewhere, everywhere. Many of us are at home all day, and the blur of routine combined with the existential stress of contagion can really make us feel like our minds are going. The constant state of breaking news is overwhelming, our kids are dislodged from their normal lives, and our homes have become places of captivity. The pandemic is extremely stressful, while also being incredibly boring, and it drives us to some dark places. It drives us to panic. It drives us to compulsive behaviours. And it drives us to drink.
I get it. I've had generalized anxiety since I was a preteen, and I know what anxiety does to your body and brain. Physically, there's a persistent discomfort that makes it impossible to feel fully content in any given moment. There can be pent-up energy or sudden fatigue, body and headaches, always feeling too hot or cold. Mentally, there's a discordant caucus in your brain, racing thoughts fighting each other for your attention. Did you forget something you were supposed to do? Should you be more worried about sanitizing your groceries? Should you be less worried about walking your dog? Are you meditating, reading, taking up new hobbies- are you succeeding at being productive even in a pandemic? Is everyone okay? Are you okay? You should be scared, worried, grateful, hopeful, optimistic, realistic... every new piece of information gets jumbled in your head with all the other thoughts rolling around in there. It's a lot to manage and a real struggle to find peace in the chaos, even if externally things seem fine.
When I found myself in this internal state as a young teenager, drinking was one way I could easily change how I felt. In a huge way, alcohol worked- it opened a small space in my anxiety for me to breathe. It turned the volume down on all the competing thoughts, allowing me to process them at a reasonable rate, one at a time. For years afterwards, even when I was brutally hungover, I felt that the ritual of harming my body had somehow cleared my mind, provided a blank slate and a fresh start the next day. When everything became too much, I had a temporary exit plan, a trap door, a disappearing act. I could drink, and come back later to whatever was stressing me out.
Sure, alcohol was other things too- it has a way of effortlessly worming itself into the core of your life. It was a part of celebration, cast parties and graduations, weddings and funerals, work meetings, vacations, relaxing with friends, catching up, winding down, all of it. It was often harmless, something enjoyable that I looked forward to, part and parcel of many wonderful memories and experiences. It accompanied bonding with new friends, and felt deeply intertwined with my love of adventure. I know that drinking probably means something to you, too, and I can't say what's trouble for anyone else. But for me, the good times of drinking couldn't fully be separated from my need to cope with my anxiety.
The thing about using substances as a coping mechanism is that it works until it doesn't. In the short term, it really seems to do the job. It's consistent, accessible, and always available. Unlike other drugs, alcohol has the added benefit of being a big part of our culture, so you can use it pretty freely and share it with others. The problem with drinking through the anxiety is that over time, it doesn't work so well anymore. The anxiety remains, and often steadily and sneakily grows. Your brain chemistry ensures that the effects of the alcohol actually include increased anxiety, plus the dreaded 'hangxiety' of worrying about what you said or did while drinking. Perhaps most pertinently, you never end up working through the anxiety in the first place, never get to the other side of the bad feelings. Every time you drink instead of working through it, you miss an opportunity to learn how to care for yourself.
I'm not telling you to change your drinking, or that having alcohol in your life is self-destructive to you; you're not me or my experience. But I urge you to be honest with yourself about your relationship to alcohol in this moment. Are you drinking more than you would like, or more than you would usually? Are you trying to use alcohol to cope with the anxiety of the pandemic? Are you finding that it's not really working? If so, it's okay- I really do get it, it's understandable, and I think this is a pretty shared response right now. It just might not get you the results that you're looking for. So if you want some suggestions on how to not drink your way through the pandemic, here are mine.
1. One day at a time. This recovery maxim is majorly applicable to our current global situation. We don't know what the future will look like, or even what will happen in the next year, month or week. We might not even know how we're going to handle everything tomorrow. When the future feels overwhelming, frightening and uncertain, take it one day at a time. Don't create more stress for yourself by worrying about what's next; for now, narrow your focus to what you can do today. Maybe that means just doing the dishes, or ten minutes of meditation, or relaxing with Netflix, or not drinking to cope- just for today. Tomorrow, you can focus on that new day. This simple shift in mindset can be a huge stress reliever when there's just too much going on, in your life and in your mind.
2. Try some yummy alternatives. Before I tried to change my relationship with alcohol, I never knew how many delicious non-alcoholic beverages exist in the world. I'm positive that I would have scoffed at such options, since, well... they didn't have alcohol in them. However, you may be surprised by how many elements of 'having a drink' can be achieved with an NA alternative. For many of us, this experience means taking precious time for yourself, or with someone you love, to slow down, enjoy something special, and let yourself relax. Alcohol brings this euphoric, calming effect at first, but it quickly follows up with anxiety-inducing feelings (brought on by the chemical response in your brain). Try a non-alcoholic cocktail, such as a virgin Moscow Mule (ginger beer, lime, and muddled mint topped with soda water). There are new distilled craft alternatives to liquour popping up all the time, such as Seedlip and Ceder's, and they taste great. If you're a beer drinker, the options for non-alcoholic beer are incredible, especially in North America (I'm a fan of Partake, Gruvi and Brewdog's NA brews). I will admit that the NA wine options are not as good as I'd like, but the market is truly growing every day. My personal favourite non-alcoholic drink is kombucha or sparkling tea in a champagne flute, because it makes me feel fancy with zero consequences.
3. Seek some new coping strategies. Drinking the stress away prevents you from flexing those coping skills and learning what really works for you. Feeling your way through tough emotions really is like building muscles- it takes time and consistency, but you see results all along the way. There's a reason they call it a yoga, pilates or meditation 'practice', and those are great options for a lot of people, strengthening the mind-body connection that makes it easier to care for your whole self. However, use whatever works! I know people who benefit from breath work, cooking, journalling, creating art, long walks, and loud music. Personally, right now I like reading (currently memoirs and sci fi), tidying my space, and biking around my neighbourhood. If you don't want to be always picking up a drink when you feel the urge, give yourself something else to do to cope. It's a hard switch to make, but I promise it gets easier, and it's rewarding. Over time you'll be amazed at how the tough feelings pass through you and allow you to move forward.
4. Join a community of support. Everyone I've ever known or heard of who changed their relationship to substances relied on their community to do it. The great news is that there are so many awesome, accessible communities available to you, whatever it is that you're looking for. Everyone knows about AA, which might be a great option for you if you want to stop drinking- this is literally the only requirement for membership, so set aside your preconceived notions about AA if that's what you want. It's free, everywhere, and time tested. However, not everyone finds AA to be a good fit, and there are many other options too. The 'mindful drinking' and 'sober curious' movements both advocate for a changed personal and societal relationship to drinking, with members on a spectrum from teetotaller to occasional drinker to those reevaluating the role of alcohol in their lives. The Alcohol Experiment and the Sober Girls Club both offer free support in challenges to take a 30-day break from drinking. On Facebook, private groups such as Soberclear and This Naked Mind Group offer non-judgemental support and discussion on the topic of alcohol. If you spend a lot of time on Instagram, start exploring some sobriety pages for inspiration (I recommend @thisnakedmind, @1000hoursdry, @oneyearnobeer, and @thetempest). Don't worry- you don't have to be sober, or even want to be sober, to start to surround yourself with some positive ideas and supportive people. It might just be about exploring your relationship with alcohol, mental and physical health in this super challenging time.
5. Be kind to yourself! This will probably always be part of my advice to you, because it will always be important. Being scared that you may be drinking too much can throw you into a shame spiral, beating yourself up mentally for being weak or undisciplined, which only contributes to the anxiety and desire to drink to rid yourself of it. If you're trying to make a positive change in your life around alcohol, stop the cycle of treating yourself badly and then trying to fix it by being 'better'. You do not need to be better. You are worthy of your best life just as you are, and you can take pride in your efforts to love yourself more. Whether you drink constantly, never, or somewhere in between, you're doing your best to get through this mess with the resources you have access to. Just know that if you have a bad feeling about drinking your way through the pandemic, there are other options available to you. I'm trying to learn new ways to care for myself that don't include hurting myself, and you can too.
Please feel free to share any suggestions or feedback below, and contact me on Instagram @onlyconstantly.
With all my love,
frances
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